Every weekend I clean the house, do the laundry, grocery shopping and cooking. I get frustrated of the monotony of my weekends and often complain, not that anybody ever listens to this complaining or even notices my constant running around. This weekend was different. I actually felt incredible, almost unreal, pleasure from feeling my body move through the house, I enjoyed the smells of my house - clean scent of laundry room, fresh cucumbers being chopped for a salad, salmon on the indoor grill... I cleaned the kitchen, washed the counters, washed the floors - all with great enjoyment - muscles contracting and relaxing.
The reason for this is unbelievable pain that I experienced after visiting my sweet friend R.O. in the hospital. She has cancer. There are talks of hospice care. No surprise, I have never seen anybody who looked more sick. I don't recognize the person that I know so well - no movement, no voice, absolutely no smile. I tried to make light talk and joked about work, about the people that we know, told funny stories. No reaction – fear, anxiety, pain, nausea, meds completely transformed the person who was always so full of life into an occupant of an oncology ward, 2nd floor, Room 2***. Will she ever leave the hospital? R.O. has four children - 3 under the age of 4. What is going to happen? I am devastated beyond words. There is so much pain in her unfocused intense look, the pupils are dilated that you think the eyes are completely black, they don’t look human. The smell of hospital, ventilation, tubes… it is a real pleasure to move quickly through my warm house cleaning and picking up the mess my three kids created.. a pleasure despite being heart-broken, despite fighting back tears.
No comments:
Post a Comment