Thinking Inside The Box

very fitting

2009-04-30T16:36:00.000-07:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too.

Wishful thinking

2009-03-23T10:29:00.001-07:00

My daughter Masha is on the short side... she is actually very petite and is the second shortest in her class. Her best friend Lena on the other hand is the second tallest person in the class. They look adorable when walking or playing together... My daughter comes home from school and says: "Mom, Lena's legs are so long!!! They are almost as long as my whole body....(in a dreaming voice with envious undertones) Oh, Mom, I would feel so lucky to have at least one leg as long as Lena's!" (I started laughing, but Masha didn't get why I was rolling on the floor with laughter and tears.)

Layoffs

2009-02-26T17:05:00.001-08:00

I still have a job, but people around me are being laid off on a daily basis. It is demoralizing to say the least, but I also noticed a strange and alarming trend that people being laid off are the people that I think are far more intelligent and much better employees than those who are staying and even getting promoted. Why do these management newcomers not recognize the brilliance in introverted and down-to-earth geniuses, and are taken with overly ambitious and overly enthusiastic bullshitters?

Vincent is gone... he just stopped by my desk and said: "that's it, i am gone." Even his good-bye message was silly and not sappy sentimental..."[Insert Product Name] - it's survived this long... don't break it!"

Hands

2009-02-20T16:32:00.000-08:00

My hands.... just now I found someone else'a hands on my keyboard, these completely foreign to me fingers are pounding the keys... I see them (in my peripheral vision) typing away while I choose to focus on the words lining up into perfect paragraphs that resemble chinese military formations. I am terrifed of taking a direct and close look at these strange hands... either my eyesight is getting better (to the point that I can see all the individual microscopic cells) or else my hands are aging!

Сонечка

2009-02-19T13:05:00.001-08:00

Сонечка уверена, что каждый, кто приходит к нам в дом, приходит чтобы посмотреть на неё и, потенциально, забрать её к себе жить. Она страшно боится и прячет своё смешное личико у меня в коленях... Она логично заявляет: "Дядя заберёт... или... Тётя заберёт!".... Это просто навязчивая идея какая-то! Мы все просто катаемся по полу от смеха, наблюдая как серьёзно она об этом заявляет.

My son is 11

2009-02-18T10:29:00.000-08:00

My son is 11 years old. How amazing is this? He is 11 and I am 33... I am 3 times his age and yet he is wiser and more knowledgeable in some things... well, mostly more knowledgeable when it comes to sports, PlayStation games, Wii games, and American cinematography. He has this inner intelligence about him when he knows when not to pry, not to pester, be considerate, let people off easily when they make mistakes.... (My daughter is more of a rottweiler when it comes to asking embarrassing questions in public, or not letting go of something that makes her parents a laughing stock for all.) My son is gentle and wise, but a man nonetheless... quiet, determined, monogamous (he has liked the same girl since he was 7,) a fighter on ice, modest and funny. I love my boy and I am so proud of him.

Pierced Ears

2009-02-17T13:41:00.000-08:00

My 9-year old daughter now has short hair, pierced ears and an eye-rolling attitude. It happened overnight, practically overnight. If anyone asks how it happened, I would not be able to answer.... how does a sweet little innocent girl turned into "mean teen parent biting machine." Sometimes I miss my little girl, but I am in awe of the new Masha... so head strong, so powerful, so fearless.

We honestly don't get it...

2009-02-13T15:33:00.000-08:00

When I read expat posts (and I read a lot of them, because I am always curious to see how people adjust), I understand that the common problem for any expat, regardless of their origin or destination, is that we look for people just like us and gravitate towards those that speak the same language. Even those who try to swim upstream eventually end up with a circle of friends that reflects this almost subconscious need to be with those that are just like us.

That's not what I want to say though... what I noticed is that I am a person without a country. I gravitate towards the Soviets, not Russians... My eyes don't lock with the new Russians, I seek out those people from the late eighties-early nineties - the "soviets"... They can be Russian, Ukrainian (I am married to a Ukrainian Jew), Georgian, Armenian, Belorussian, Latvian, Estonian, .... I have no animosity towards Georgians despite the war... I have no dislike for Ukrainians supposedly stealing Russian gas... As an expat, I am preserved in my emotional time warp and feel completely cocooned in my circle of Soviet friends from different backgrounds that are completely bewildered by the newly found hatred, newly found faith, newly formed coalitions. When I follow the Olympics, I still sum up all those medals that are won by former Soviet Union Republics and feel great, because normally we, the Soviets, come out on top (ahead of China and the US!) I know how silly and infantile this sounds, but I can't help it.

My Car

2009-02-13T12:35:00.000-08:00

My husband and I have owned our Nissan Quest for 10 years... This is what this car has been through during that time:

1) 200,000 miles of being driven by either me or Vadim
2) I am sure over 100 different people were passengers in the car at one point or another in addition to family members
3) Every member of our family threw up in the car at least once (frankly, every member of the family has done this more than once...)... god, I will never be able to part with this car after this revelation... (Just to set the record straight, all my vomitting was due to pregnancy related morning sickness.)
4) Thousands of pounds of food have been transported in the car (and hundreds of pounds eaten inside the vehicle while in route to some remote, or not so remote, destination.)
5) Many times the car contracted some mysterious nasty smell (clearly of organic nature) and we successfully combatted it every time
6) 5 different car seats graced the seats inside the vehicle with three babies strapped in at different times
7) Crayons melted permanently into the seat in one spot (do not leave crayons in the car!)

Bottom line, this car is like family... I will probably be driving it 10 years from now. I am sure it is doable, I see some taxis that have 400k miles and are still on the road.

Bananas

2009-02-09T16:49:00.001-08:00

I hate the taste of bananas now that I am in my 30s. The only way I can convince my taste buds to accept this fruit is by commanding them to go back in time to the prehistoric events of growing up in the former Soviet Union. Growing up we didn't have bananas and visit to the grocery store, especially in the winter, didn't yield any tasty results except for some occasional onions, beets and frost bitten apples eroded by worm tunnels. It was wonderful to be walking down the street with my mom and come across a long line of people. We always joined the line before we even found out what was being sold... a line meant something delicious would be at the end of it. I was excited about standing in line, the longer the line the better. Bananas were always the greenest color of green and you knew that you probably had to wait another week or two to sample them. We would put them under the bed in the paper bags and every day I would pull each individual bag early in the morning to see if there were touches of gold on any of the jungle green colored fruit. The moment streaks of yellow touched the bananas, I was begging my parents to eat the fruit that tasted grassy, but oh so exotic and delicious! I try to take myself back to those times when I eat bananas now (perfectly ripe, sweet, organic bananas), but I can only muster enough memory lane imagination to get me through eating half of a banana.

Getting Grumpier and Grumpier as the day progresses

2008-11-24T16:54:00.000-08:00

I am not one of those people who can put a positive spin on everything... I so wish I were. Sometimes I meet these people who always look cheerful, upbeat and super friendly and I have the uncontrollable urge to splatter some reality all over them. I want a real person with real emotions, not the Barbie or Ken stamped with a mass-produced plastic smile.

I do measure everybody by my standards, because what other measuring tool/system is there? I am square and I do think inside the box. Is that so bad? I am very responsible. If I said I would get something done, I will get it done even if I have to work 24 hours a day. I would not be able to sleep as this will be bothering me worse than if I were wearing the itchiest woolen underpants. I get so irritated when someone is not only irresponsible, but cheerful at the same time... how the hell do you put a positive spin on your own unreliable carefree actions?

I know I am not supposed to blog about work... but God Almighty, can you punish (just a little) these airheads?

Newly Single and Grumpy

2008-11-24T08:34:00.000-08:00

Well, my husband is away on a business trip and I have to manage three kids that are used to being a part of a two-parent household. It is hell, let me tell you! All three, but especially my youngest, have no patience. I mean it, no patience at all! The concept of waiting for something is foreign to Sofia. If she wants it, it has to be done immediately or else the chandelier and the china cabinet will start shaking from the ultrasound my daughter is able to squeeze out of her vocal cords. I have to shower in the morning, but how does one do it with a 16-months old sleeping in my bed (she migrates from her crib into our bed by midnight every night.) I have to very quietly and very quickly wake up Masha (not an easy task to accomplish even when you can take your time and be as loud as you need to be.) Then Masha needs to take my place in the bed quietly and I can go shower and pray to God that Sofia does not discover the "mommy swap." She is too smart to buy into this and will immediately put the siren on. Have I mentioned that I hate my husband right now?

Reinventing oneself

2008-11-21T15:01:00.001-08:00

I am at the crossroads now... my wonderful stable job is just not enough anymore, so I need to get creative and figure out how I can satisfy myself and the demands of my family at the same time. I still need to keep my income as I now realize it is a great gift in this economy. I am bored out of my mind though and I want to do something more to just keep my mind interested or else I am at risk of slipping into a puddle of depression doo-doo. I have been contemplating writing a book (hold your comments, it will be in Russian of course!) and I have several scenarios/plots swirling and twirling around my brain (and finding comfy corners to rest/mature.) I need to spend some more time thinking through what would keep me occupied and away (justifiably for once) from having to do the dishes...

Family

2008-11-18T16:36:00.000-08:00

You don't want to see what goes on in our house in the morning when all of us are rushing around and are trying to get ready. It is a complete chaos! Kids running to eat breakfast, grab lunches, get ready... the diaper is being changed... the teeth brushes... the doors are slamming.... I am screaming at my husband who is nonchalantly sitting in front of his computer completely oblivious to what else is going on... Today grandma witnessed the horrifying tornado resembling action and tuned right in by screaming at the top of her lungs at how disorganized the kids were, how they needed to prepare everything the night before, how all other kids were fantastic beings(punctual, clean, good students, loving grandkids, so unlike hers...)... My 9 year old daughter Masha turned to Grandma and in her most calm composed voice sympathetically stated: "We are just not that kind of family."

Sharks Rule!

2008-11-13T21:04:00.000-08:00

Even Sonik is watching! Sharks are kicking major butt this season. I could never imagine that a new coach could make such a difference. Amazing! The end of second period against Calgary Flames, Sharks are dominating 5:0! Anton and Dad are super excited! The women are a little more even tempered when it comes to hockey, but we (Masha, Sonik and I) think that Sharks jerseys are the best in the league (the teal with white and black looks chic, no?)

Observation

2008-11-13T13:32:00.000-08:00

I have a lot of friends that are not parents yet and are longing to have children. When we meet they are fast to run towards my baby girl, completely ignoring my 9 and 10 year olds... The baby is showered with attention, affection and admiration. Wherever the baby goes, she is followed by a swarming buzzing crowd of females... yet the two older kids are mostly turned into disappointed audience, there to witness these spontaneous pagan ceremonies of limb worshipping ("cute tiny feet...look at the sweet little fingers..."). Nobody has ever come up to me and said: "I want me one of those" (pointing at the two older kids.) Why? I love older kids! You can already theorize what type of people they will become... you can see the traits they inherited... they have some scars and bruises, and yet they are still so innocent...

Snoring

2008-11-11T00:11:00.000-08:00

Unlike most, I love Vadim's snoring... monotonous waves make me feel at peace and help me drift into sleep better than anything else. Is it the suggestive nature of snoring? I am not sure, but I just cannot stay awake once the first unsteady wild boar like snorts of sleepy husband hit my ears. Is there a technique out there that has a reverse effect to counting sheep?

Happiness

2008-11-10T21:03:00.000-08:00

I am so happy right now... with all the things going on and despite health, financial, emotional, communication and weight issues... The truth is I am just now learning how to be happy and actually understand it. I am at peace now just lying on my sofa with my feet cozily tucked under my hubby's behind typing this silliness with some corny Russian TV playing in the background... hubby looking at stocks in search of some juicy new stock we could sink our teeth into (well, more like one last remaining tooth...) Signing off now to spend some time with the love of my life.

Sibling Rivalry

2008-11-10T14:43:00.000-08:00

My two older kids born only a year apart can be prototypes for psychology textbooks dealing with a million different psychological problems, with sibling rivalry being at the top of the list. Both of them have taken this to an art form...

Example from this morning... We are all rushing around trying to get out of the house on time... My daughter's brain is of course is in its normal gear (how to get under her brother's skin and appear to be a victim in the process.)

- Mom, did you take cookies to work? (Looking at the plate of cookies that I baked last night... with some clearly missing as of this morning...)
-No... HURRY UP!
(Masha is standing around, her brain neurons are firing.)
- Hmmmmm.... Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad, did you take the cookies?
- Mash, are you packed? Get in the car NOW!
(Sherlock Holmes' hypothetico-deductive method clearly worked for my little detective with an attitude.)

-MMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOMMM! Anton took the cookies! He always takes the cookies... You never tell him no... He can eat whatever he wants... He can eat as much as he wants... He gets everything he wants...I never get anything... He is never in trouble... I am always in trouble...

- (Interrupting the tirade).... GET IN THE CAR NOW!

Motherhood

2008-11-09T21:19:00.000-08:00

As a mother of 3, I now:

- can do 100m breast stroke in a pool of urine and baby pooh in under 30 sec... when the baby poos in the bathtub full of water and toys, I actually have a routine down of getting the baby out, rinsing the baby, getting the baby ready for bed, fishing every little bit of poop out of the bathtub with my bare hands, letting the water out, rinsing the tub with clorox bleach solution, rinsing the tub with water, washing all of the toys with soap and water, scrubbing my hands clean... all of this can be done in under 5 minutes (hard to believe, eh?)
- have such high tolerance of puke, that I can walk into a job interview after a morning of being showered with projectile vomiting and not have that phase me one bit...
- very opportunistic when it comes to sex... I am really quite a virtuosa: I have been known to rock the bouncy seat, sing, feed, and do a lot more while enjoying my husbands affections
- I can go months without getting a single night of sleep... it has been over 16 months now and the concept of uninterrupted sleep is simply lost
- I can make my house look picked up in a matter of minutes in true Cat In The Hat manner

Movies

2008-11-09T10:41:00.001-08:00

I am not sure how to be selective about the movies the kids watch... Conversation with my daughter Masha earlier today regarding Tropical Thunder:

- Mom, does the movie have some inappropriate stuff for me...
- Yes...
- Good!

Dream

2008-11-09T09:53:00.000-08:00

What a messy dream... I am back in Russia for a visit... There is a lunch I scheduled with a friend and I am looking for the cafe... The cafe is called "Cafe on 3rd Street" and I cannot find it... All streets have San Francisco street names, but look gloomy and deserted with run-down apartment highrises on both sides. I am lost and I am alone, walking in circles lost in the labyrinth of unfamiliar buildings and emotions. Finally on the corner I see my Babulya (my maternal grandmother that passed away on October 8, 2003.) She has red curly hair (henna was her main beauty product) and is dressed in orange mohair cardigan and a skirt. She is observing me and I cannot read her face... it has no love, anger, passion, laughter... she is very composed and very calm... Later on I am in her apartment, but it looks nothing like her apartment. It is a one-room tiny place. She is sitting on a hard sofa with her back straight with her shoes on and holding a purse, as if she is in a reception area of some Russian official. She tries to tell me something, as if to warn me, or to explain to me, but I cannot comprehend and I am not paying attention. I cannot decipher this dream, but I am very anxious and scared upon waking up.

A note for Mom

2008-11-06T23:45:00.000-08:00

Mom! Is! A Mean! Person! Because! She! Didn't! Let! Me! Watch! The!
Hockey! Game! That! I! Deserved! To! Watch! Because! I! Got! Everything! Right!
On! My! Practice! Test! --> Turn Page!

I will not come out of my room until she apoligizes!
By your unworthy son Anton.

A lovely note left for me by my son after I told him to go to sleep before the Sharks game was over... It is a school night, I did let him stay up until 9:15, so he did see two periods. My boy is mad at me, but I really cannot be flexible about his bed time... he looks horrible if he doesn't get enough sleep... gets dark bags under his eyes. I can either keep him healthy or happy... either candy (happy) or soup (healthy), either hockey (happy) or sleep (healthy), either playground (healthy) or playstation (happy)... how does one find harmony and balance in parenting?

My boy

2008-11-06T16:36:00.000-08:00

My son has Sever's condition and now has to wear a boot up to his knee to keep pressure off his heel for a while. So, forget about hockey, soccer, basketball for a while... My boy, true to his practicality and inherited from dad Jewish common sense, he immediately calculated the negative impact of this diagnosis... with a sigh he shook his head in disappointment and disbelief: "There goes my scholarship!..." My husband was laughing hysterically.

hospital windows

2008-11-06T15:45:00.000-08:00

I am at the hospital with my son for a minor procedure. In the recovery room, while Anton is flipping through TV channels at the speed of 1000 clicks per minute and consuming hospital's monthly supply of saltines, I am studying hospital windows that look like shiny appliques on red walls surrounding a small courtyard. Each one has a story... and most of them are sad (except for the second floor, the maternity ward.) You can clearly see how long the person has been there... some had piles of magazines, books, food, cereal boxes on the windowsills, clearly an indication that the room has been or will be occupied for a while. Other windows are bare of stuff and seem somehow even more tragic... There are some windows whose inhabitants are trying to get a little fresh air, so a shoe or a box are sticking out to prop them open.

There is a window particularly close to where I am standing and open to my view. A girl of about 5 years old is sitting on the windowsill with her tiny red backpack glued to the glass. Her dad clumsily makes attempts to brush her hair, but she makes it impossible for him to make any progress... she moves her head back and forth, shakes it, she puts her feet up in front of her as if trying to keep him out and push him far away. He makes a couple steps into the room and there is now a woman in my view... she is on the hospital bed, wearing the hospital gown that makes her pale face appear almost platinum in the morning light. The girl stretches her arms towards her mom (the exact opposite from what she was doing a minute earlier to her dad.) The mother is emotionless, she stares through the window and I wonder if she sees me. The girl, whose face I cannot see, is defeated... her feisty spirit is gone as if swallowed by her mother's weary gaze... dad returns into the picture and picks his little daughter up with tender confidence, he now sits her on his lap and brushes her hair. The hair is in a nice ponytail... hairbrush returns into the little red backpack... "Mom, MORE SALTINES!" Interrupted, I try to catch a glimpse of the little red backpack, but it is gone... the curtains are being drawn to hide the frail female from morning sunlight streaking into the room, from my unwelcome curious eyes... from unwelcome visitor with a red backpack.

My husband voted

2008-11-04T17:01:00.000-08:00

Ok, Vadim voted for Obama, for gay rights, for better conditions for farm animals...
I am so happy that we are in California (I am not a US citizen, but so wish I were on election days.) I fit in perfectly with this state and its liberal ways (especially San Francisco!!! it is heavenly living inside this constantly shifting diversity kaleidoscope!)

Some pictures of the week...

2008-11-02T21:13:00.000-08:00

Busy weekend, as always... the weekend of getting lost and running late

2008-11-02T20:31:00.000-08:00

I am trying to have a good attitude, but I am beat. So tired!

Saturday was rainy... I have been a bit anxious due to different family circumstances. Anxiety comes in waves and feels like emotional nausea. I know that there are medications for that, as well as just for being blue, but I actually appreciate the variety of feelings that I am capable of experiencing... for the most part the appreciation comes postfactum.

Anton was late for his hockey game (for the first time ever).... On Sunday, we were late for Stanley/Daniel birthday party (we got lost), we were almost late for Anton's basketball clinic (BART delay.) I don't normally suffer from "geographic cretinism", that is Vadim's prerogative. This weekend was out of the ordinary, as I kept going into the exact opposite direction every time I was going anywhere. I wonder if it is a sign of sorts to not follow my instincts this week and do the opposite of what my intuition is whispering in my ear.

Masha and I shared a club sandwich and a salad at Sugar cafe at 679 Sutter (cute, reasonably priced, with good Internet connection and a nice yuppie crowd.)

We have been running... running... running... and it's Sunday night and I can finally just lie down on the sofa.

Ok... and finally a funny poem that I read in good quality literature that my son stocks his bathroom with (He has a variety of comic books, magazines, steven king books, and some detective stories.)

Women's faults are many.
And men have only two:
Everything they say
And everything they do.

HA HA HA! That's right!

Scale addiction...

2008-11-02T20:17:00.000-08:00

Well, guess who has the scale addiction in the family? Sonik! We sat her down on a scale once to weigh her, and now it is a part of her daily routine. She walks over to the scale and plops her cushy diaper covered tushie on it and sits there looking victorious. Funny baby!

My two favorite cheeses

2008-10-31T11:08:00.000-07:00

King Island Roaring 40's Australian Blue

Unlike typical French blue cheeses (e.g. Roquefort) made from ewe's milk, Roaring 40's Blue is made entirely from cow's milk which gives it a milder taste. Roaring Forties is a full bodied blue with a honeyed, slightly nutty quality and great aftertaste. Great with wine and with crusty bagette. So delicious, you can really taste the nutty flavor!

Humboldt Fog Goat Cheese

Named for the morning vapor rising from the ocean in Humboldt county of Northern California where the cheese is produced, Humboldt Fog is first and foremost a chevre or goat's cheese, with the distinct characteristics of a dry, chalky, ghost-white young curd and slightly acidic goat milk tang. Immediately identifiable by its medium-sized wheel, center vein and outer rind of ash, and ripening white goat curd from the outside in, Humbodlt Fog can be quickly picked out of a line up (at least I am yet to see its Doppelgänger). The riper this chese gets, the more the drier inside becomes soft, creamy and runny. Ripe is good. Ripe is more flavorful, more complex, more pungent.

Bank Robbery, a true tribute to Halloween

2008-10-31T10:33:00.001-07:00

I work in the financial district. Yesterday around 1 pm there was a lot of police in front of our building, and a lot of FBI (they don't have uniforms and their cars are not marked, but somehow they are still easy to spot.) Here is a note released to tenants: "...Please be aware that our bank on the street level was robbed earlier today at around 1:00pm. The perpetrator was Caucasian, dressed in black with face paint on similar to the "Joker"..."

Let me see, if I can profile him... he watched "The Dark Night" movie... Police should now hit all Halloween parties in the city and get a list of all Caucasian men wearing "Joker" costumes. He is unlikely to invest in a different outfit considering how appropriate this one is for Halloween. What a fun assignment for an undercover officer on Halloween!

Ma vie en rose

2008-10-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

Sonechka is an angel when she is sleeping... too bad that she prefers to be up half the night.

Miss Giggles... she makes everybody so happy with her laugh. She has a vibrato when she laughs that is absolutely adorable.

I am not sleepy!

My lovely husband strikes again with his beautifully arranged worn (aka dirty socks) on the living room chair. This time he throws in a pair of shorts to serve as a contrasting background (a patriotic arrangement in terms of color combination.)

Raining -- we haven't seen rain in 6 months

2008-10-30T16:01:00.000-07:00

I am happy there is finally rain... I have missed rain, we hadn't heard the drops drumming against my office window in over 6 months. I want to enjoy autumn. I feel deprived of the intoxicating cocktail of colorful foliage (my body, as that of an alcoholic, is craving some color: reds, oranges, yellows, burgundies, ....where is this nectar for my soul?) San Francisco does not tempt me with addictive fall weather (bright, crisp, sunny, cold... mild and so delicious.) I am here confused and lost in-between seasons all year long. It hurts especially during fall and spring (I have not seen or smelled the gentle scent of Coltsfoot or Mать-и-мачеха in 15 years!) Spring is a different nostalgic post though that is coming Spring 2009, if I am still blogging.

Three dreams in one night

2008-10-29T10:38:00.001-07:00

1) I am a teenager and in love with a young gangster. The background to the dream is ghetto streets at night... It is apparent that we had been together and in love for a while. The police enters the scene and starts questioning neighbors and passers by about the whereabouts of my gangster lover boy. In the process they state all the horrific crimes he is accused of, and guess what... I don't only tell them where he is hiding, but also volunteer additional information to further incriminate him. The final scene I am sitting alone on the stairs of some ghetto home on a really dark street with only one street light and crying for my lost love....

2) Geriatric Dream....
I am a teenager again visiting one of my relatives (an elderly female) in a nursing home. I visit the nursing home several times, but only get to see this old woman once, the other times I am told to come back some other time. I enter the room, a very bright room that looks like a sunroom or menagerie... a lot of elderly people are crammed into it, but it looks more like a party, some a drinking martinis. The woman I am visiting has snow white hair, a white button up dress/robe and a light blue cardigan. She is sharing a large chair with two other women that seem to know me, but I have a hard time placing them. I give all three a kiss hello, but the woman I am there to see, doesn't look at me. She keeps staring out of the glass window. She doesn't recognize me... I have a chat with two of her friends and leave... At some point in my dream, I get confused whether I am the teenager or , in fact, the old woman lost in her thoughts.

3) I forgot this part while I was typing... will add it later, if I remember.

Oh yes, it had something to do with a man in his forties wanting to have an affair with me... this was not as strange, as the other parts of the dream...

Family Shots

2008-10-28T19:53:00.000-07:00

Sonik's "messy" hair look... straight from the "Afternoon Nap Hair Salon"

West side... Peace out...

Mommy, I want to go outside!

Vadim is addicted to "Ananasovye" (chocolate candy)... Look at the giant jar of them that he keeps all to himself.

Masha and her friend Michelle (they have known each other since they were born... Masha is only 1 month older.)

Déjà vu

2008-10-28T11:12:00.000-07:00

I think most people have experienced déjà vu, and an overwhelming majority of them would know the term that has found its way into many languages. One of my acquaintances has never heard the term. Confronted with it, she kept asking if it was someone's first or last name... she couldn't grasp the concept of déjà vu... and she was 62 years old. How is that possible when we are all surrounded by the same words, similar experiences? I felt embarrassed for some reason... she kept pressing trying to understand it, and yet couldn't... and there were more and more people there trying to explain. I am going to go home and teach this to my kids!

Blinchiki recipe

2008-10-27T21:35:00.000-07:00

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp kosher salt (or 3/4 tsp table salt)
1 tsp sugar
2 large eggs
1 cup cold milk
1 cup cold water
4 Tbsp oil
Butter for frying

In a large bowl, mix flour, salt, and sugar.
Beat in eggs and milk into flour using a whisk. Beat until no lumps remain.
Beat in the water. The mixture should be the consistency of light cream. If too thick, beat in another 1-2 Tbsp of water. Fry on a really hot pan!

Really good and easy! My kids love these with jam or sugar.

Sonik's halloween costume!

2008-10-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

The family writes a poem together for Anton's school project

2008-10-27T20:44:00.001-07:00

RAIN

I am praying for some rain
As the days are getting hotter.
Dried up rivers bring me pain
Nowhere to get water.

I have weak and thirsty plants
Trying to break through scorching earth.
That gives my family no chance
My crops…my animals… everything’s lost.

My dying land, my withering trees,
My thirsty horses, empty long house,
My children’s faces covered with tears…
The hope fades. God, help my doubts!

Our collaborative effort
October 26, 2007

Weekend Events

2008-10-26T21:21:00.000-07:00

Typical weekend - busy and fun:

Saturday:
Masha's Swim Meet in Orinda - her first swim meet! Masha and Daddy did great (in an outdoor pool when it was 60F!)
Sofia's Halloween Party at the USCF -- Sofi went as a Piglet. She got to meet a beautiful little girl named Zoe, so cute! I hope they become friends. Jeff and Karyn, Zoe's parents, seemed wonderful and I hope that we get to know each other. We left the party at 513 Parnassus and I walked all the way to grandparents' home (4 miles!!) I figured my lovely days of walking with a stroller are practically over and I wanted to take advantage of the sunny day in SF.
Anton's Soccer Game -- well, sigh. We lost with a ridiculous score, but thankfully the season is almost over. Anton did OK, but his heel seems to be bothering him more lately. We will need to investigate that.
Karaoke Night at Shimberg's - we had a great time! Lots of people came, lots of singing and laughing. I hope we do it again soon.

Vadik got into an argument with Fima over the location of his car placard.... They are so funny when they fight.

Sunday:

Hockey Game (home) against Santa Clara (the best team in the league.) We lost 11:1...ha ha, Anton scored the only goal... but still, painful. Kesha stopped by, Anton says he is his good luck charm. Funny!

Stopped by the parent's home to pick up the baby. I missed her so much. I cannot be away from her at all, I have a physical addiction to this warm and sweet smelling olive colored baby flesh.

Vadik took the kids to Taco Bell and window shopped a little. Stopped by Mervins (all stores are closing)because Anton needs new shoes, but unfortunately there was nothing worth looking at.

Anton had two projects: to write a poem about Rain and make a diorama about Indians (I will post the poem we co-wrote shortly.)

Yasha stopped by for his monthly visit. Later Igor and Ira came by -- we had a good time! For the first time I made blinchiki that turned out good, so we had some tea with blinchiki. They are such a great couple, sweet and funny... just genuinly kind people! (Vadik even shared his "ananasnye" with them, which is a sign that he feels these are truly special friends!)

Now I am just sitting here, exhausted after such a busy weekend... but so happy to have had so much time with my husband, my kids, my friends. I am too tired to practice any of the creative writing stuff, so this is just a brief recap.

Gorky's Burevestnik

2008-10-23T14:54:00.001-07:00

All Russian kids studied this poem in school. It had a lot of references to proletariat, revolution and other things, but also was a good literary piece.

Song of the Stormy Petrel by Maxim Gorky.

High above the silvery ocean winds are gathering the storm-clouds, and between the clouds and ocean proudly wheels the Stormy Petrel, like a streak of sable lightning.
Now his wing the wave caresses, now he rises like an arrow, cleaving clouds and crying fiercely, while the clouds detect a rapture in the bird's courageous crying.
In that crying sounds a craving for the tempest! Sounds the flaming of his passion, of his anger, of his confidence in triumph.
The gulls are moaning in their terror--moaning, darting o'er the waters, and would gladly hide their horror in the inky depths of ocean.
And the grebes are also moaning. Not for them the nameless rapture of the struggle. They are frightened by the crashing of the thunder.
And the foolish penguins cower in the crevices of rocks, while alone the Stormy Petrel proudly wheels above the ocean, o'er the silver-frothing waters.
Ever lower, ever blacker, sink the storm clouds to the sea, and the singing waves are mounting in their yearning toward the thunder.
Strikes the thunder. Now the waters fiercely battle with the winds. And the winds in fury seize them in unbreakable embrace, hurtling down the emerald masses to be shattered on the cliffs.
Like a streak of sable lightning wheels and cries the Stormy Petrel, piercing storm-clouds like an arrow, cutting swiftly through the waters.
He is coursing like a Demon, the black Demon of the tempest, ever laughing, ever sobbing--he is laughing at the storm-clouds, he is sobbing with his rapture.
In the crashing of the thunder the wise Demon hears a murmur of exhaustion. And he knows the storm will die and the sun will be triumphant; the sun will always be triumphant!
The waters roar. The thunder crashes. Livid lightning flares in storm clouds high above the seething ocean, and the flaming darts are captured and extinguished by the waters, while the serpentine reflections writhe, expiring, in the deep.
It's the storm! The storm is breaking!
Still the valiant Stormy Petrel proudly wheels amond the lightning, o'er the roaring, raging ocean, and his cry resounds exultant, like a prophecy of triumph--
Let it break in all its fury!
1901

We were at a party speaking to one of the Russians that was only a couple years younger than me... Vadim and I kept trying to jog his memory of Gorky..."Mother" "Life of Klim Samgin"... there was no reaction, which was very odd. We finally threw at him "The Song"... all kids had to memorize this piece of poetry and could recite it by heart 30 years later without any difficulty. Well, the guy wanted to be rid of us, I guess, so he said: "YES!!! I used to sing it!" Vadim and I burst out laughing because clearly this was not a "singing" song, but rather an Ode. I suspect that he is not really Russian. Was he an FBI trainee whose cover was blown because of how perceptive Vadim and I are? Might have been.....(Not really, he married one of our friends... that would have been taking one's occupation a little too far.)

If you know Russian, please enjoy this poem reminiscent of our Soviet childhood in my native language:

Песня о Буревестнике

Над седой равниной моря ветер тучи собирает. Между тучами и морем гордо реет Буревестник, черной молнии подобный. То крылом волны касаясь, то стрелой взмывая к тучам, он кричит, и -тучи слышат радость в смелом крике птицы. В этом крике - жажда бури! Силу гнева, пламя страсти и уверенность в победе слышат тучи в этом крике. Чайки стонут перед бурей, - стонут, мечутся над морем и на дно его готовы спрятать ужас свой пред бурей. И гагары тоже стонут, - им, гагарам, недоступно наслажденье битвой жизни: гром ударов их пугает. Глупый пингвин робко прячет тело жирное в утесах... Только гордый Буревестник реет смело и свободно над седым от пены морем! Всё мрачней и ниже тучи опускаются над морем, и поют, и рвутся волны к высоте навстречу грому. Гром грохочет. В пене гнева стонут волны, с ветром споря. Вот охватывает ветер стаи волн объятьем крепким и бросает их с размаху в дикой злобе на утесы, разбивая в пыль и брызги изумрудные громады. Буревестник с криком реет, черной молнии подобный, как стрела пронзает тучи, пену волн крылом срывает. Вот он носится, как демон, - гордый, черный демон бури, - и смеется, и рыдает... Он над тучами смеется, он от радости рыдает! В гневе грома, - чуткий демон, - он давно усталость слышит, он уверен, что не скроют тучи солнца, - нет, не скроют! Ветер воет... Гром грохочет... Синим пламенем пылают стаи туч над бездной моря. Море ловит стрелымолний и в своей пучине гасит. Точно огненные змеи, вьются в море, исчезая, отраженья этих молний. - Буря! Скоро грянет буря! Это смелый Буревестник гордо реет между молний над ревущим гневно морем; то кричит пророк победы: - Пусть сильнее грянет буря!..
1901

Who cares about money anyway?

2008-10-22T20:42:00.001-07:00

As a family, we are so lucky and we have so much to be thankful for. If I didn't have what I have, I would pay all the money in the world to have this and would quite possibly sacrifice any of my extremities by chewing them off with my own teeth for the things that truly count:

1) I have three wonderful children
2) The health problems that my children have are manageable and do not impact their life
3) I have a wonderful loving husband
4) Both sets of our parents are alive and in fairly good health
5) I have wonderful friends and abundance of love and support all around
6) I am safe because I live in a country where there is peace and no shortage of food or clean water
7) Even though my family lives in Russia, I get to see them quite often and speak to them daily

We are so happy right now, I am really having the time of my life (if only I could have a job that is a little more in sync with my nature and my desire to be productive.)

P.S. I have been buying only the absolute necessities since July (so for 4 months now!) and I love it! We really need so little.

Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Charles Dickens (1812-1870)

401k Statements

2008-10-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

They arrived yesterday... There was a moment of silence while both Vadim and I processed the news... a drop of 30% in value over a period of one quarter. We both must have looked frightened to the point that our middle (the more intuitive and sensitive) child had to inquire whether we were poor now. WE ARE! Our retirement funds (that are all our money, as the company does not have a matching 401k) are dwindling faster than our Halloween candy in a bowl sitting within reach of three kids and two adult chocoholics. Well, the e-mail just went out to our 401k administrator to lower my contributions to ...0%. If I am meant to lose all my money, I want to do it in style and my way! I refuse to lead protozoan existance in the murky financial waters ruled by corrupt financial gluttons and billion-dollar monstrosities. Is anyone organizing a protest against this bullshit (preferrably virtual and without donation solicitation)?

Tragedy...

2008-10-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

One of the people I used to work with is going through a horrible time in his life... it is unexplainable how tragedy sometimes grips a person's life into its torturous strong hold and sucks all the living juices out of it until just bare dried up fibers are hanging off of a griefstricken face... My former co-worker is fighting cancer... a lot of people who have been affected by this monstrous disease know that this is an all consuming battle for one's life. What can be worse one will ask? Well, a few days ago his son (a young married ivy league school graduate) went out with his friends and decided to experiment with a morphine patch by putting it on his tongue. His brain is now permanently damaged. My heart just aches for the family that has already so much to deal with.

Pulling my hair out

2008-10-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

It is 10 pm and I am sitting here with Anton trying to get through his homework. As a result of his hockey practice (have I mentioned recently how much I truly hate hockey now??) we got home late, ate late, and now doing his homework extremely late. My son has the worst handwriting I have ever seen in my life. I cannot decipher what he writes if my life depended on it, it drives me insane! It literally looks like a bird got into some ink and waltzed down a piece of paper. God, help me!!

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." Herm Albright

2008-10-21T11:41:00.001-07:00

Mondays... sigh

2008-10-20T20:36:00.000-07:00

Mondays always make me think about how wonderful it would be to make some changes to my life. My job is getting me down. I cannot see the sun (not much opportunity in SF as is) because there is a cloud of "executives" swarming around my head to get the work done. Get out there and do some work yourselves, you might enjoy it and learn something in the process.

I went to lunch with my hubby, that was a highlight of the day. It is interesting walking down the street with him as we keep constantly encountering people he knows (as if we are not in the financial district in SF, but rather in some village in Iceland.) ... who was the blonde waitress energetically waving at him I wonder?... hmmmm

Coco

2008-10-18T19:56:00.000-07:00

Sonechka is just like Coco, the gorilla. When we ask Sonia what her name is, she pounds on her chest in a Tarzan fashion and says "Baby... Baby" It is so cute! She is unbelievably smart and funny, and we enjoy her as I don't think we ever enjoyed anything in our lives. When Anton and Masha were little like that, we were too stressed and too worried. We are a lot more relaxed now and we have fun watching her grow.

By the way, "baby" and "cookie" are the only two words she knows in English.

Horrible Mother

2008-10-17T14:51:00.001-07:00

Sonia had a rough night again last night: tossing and turning, crying, sobbing, moving, drinking her milk... and lots of pacifier action. I went to lie down with her while Vadim was still watching TV and tried to comfort her the best I could. She is not terribly cuddly when she is irritated, but I tried my very best. Well, after several sleepless nights my ability to stay alert was gone completely and I fell asleep. I was woken up a couple of times: once by a foot being stuck right into my open mouth, the second time.... from a very loud bang -- that was Sonia hitting the floor (she must have rolled right off the bed in her sleep.) Oh My God! I am in complete shock, this is the first time this ever happened to me. The baby is ok. We had a regular check-up with her doctor and he didn't notice any signs of trauma or anything (how could he notice anything when she was screaming bloody murder from the moment we entered the office until the moment the clinic was out of her sight?) She is fine, but I am still in shock... what a horrible mother I am! To kick the self-torture and guilt up a notch, I shared the incident with my mother-in-law...

Cardiology Appointment

2008-10-16T19:59:00.000-07:00

Sonik's cardio appointment went well. I always dread those. Both Sonik and I suffer from anxiety when it comes to doctors! She behaved perfectly though. It is so much easier now that she actually listens to what I say and understands what needs to be done....but ONLY IN RUSSIAN! Echo, EKG, blood pressures... Sonia tolerated everything with utmost patience. I am so proud of my baby! I think we are cardio appointment free for at least 6 months.

Baby Sonik is under the weather

2008-10-16T09:46:00.000-07:00

My Sonechka seems a little sick... when she is a little sick, she makes A LOT of trouble especially during the night. It is such a huge difference between my normally agreeable and sweet child and this screaming monster that appears at the first signs of illness. My heart breaks to see her that way... it also breaks for that poor lad that will marry her! This irritable annoyed dissatisfied child is guaranteed to come out at least once a month and torture her mate. Vadim thought that I was bad, but I believe both of my girls, but especially Sonia, will surpass me in bitchiness hands down. Yes, these two angelic looking females are the ones I am talking about!

Husband's socks

2008-10-15T13:58:00.000-07:00

My favorite man in the whole world loves leaving his worn (dirty) socks in the most unexpected of places... like his office chair... the bed... the living room sofa... I love how he always nicely puts one on top of the other as if to make sure they are nicely arranged and aesthetically pleasing when someone (I!!!!!) finds them. Like a little surprise! Like an inspiring still life - a tribute to domestication! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Obama for me

2008-10-15T13:45:00.001-07:00

Who should you vote for?

Barack Obama				78
John McCain	-84

You expected: Barack Obama
Your recommendation: Barack Obama

Party: Democratic
Born: 1961, Honolulu, Hawaii
Family: wife and two daughters
Career: Business International Corporation; NYPIRG; attorney and constitutional law lecturer
Political career: Member of the Illinois State Senate from the 13th district, 1997-2004. Incumbent Junior Senator from Illinois since 2005
Hot topic: Universal healthcare
Did you know? He is the only African American currently serving in the US Senate
Supported by: Oprah Winfrey, Eddie Murphy, Will Smith, George Clooney, Halle Berry, Scarlett Johansson, Morgan Freeman, Michael Jordan, Jamie Foxx, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Ed Norton, Jennifer Aniston, Zach Braff, John Cleese, Leonard Nimoy and Brooke Shields

Allergic to Holidays

2008-10-14T21:44:00.000-07:00

I am allergic to Holidays. I don't enjoy them one bit. I don't like fireworks, crowds, gifts, cakes with candles, playing dress-up, shopping, stress, staying up until midnight, formal dinners... I like everyday life and spontaneous visits of friends and family, nothing planned, nothing expected. With holiday season just around the corner I am slowly getting irritated. Can I boycott the holidays this year? Will this traumatize my kids? I have to think this through.

Judgemental Post

2008-10-14T15:47:00.000-07:00

I am a rather opinionated person and, as such, less tolerant and open-minded than I wished to be. I am judgemental, but I reserve the right to pass any judgement that I want (not publicly, but within the intertwined corridors of my intelligence and my conscience.) I view everything through the prism of my own life, of my expectations towards myself and people around me. In a way that is setting oneself up for some serious disillusionment later on in life. I am almost 33 years old and I am a naive romantic maximalist. I am nauseated by infidelity, by lies, by abuse and cruelty... i fall apart when I hear of unwanted children or animals and weep when I hear happy endings to those stories...

Today it is infidelity of a friend... I cannot even bring myself to look at the woman or say hello to her... I feel sick to my stomach and completely unwilling to understand her. I am also a lot more tolerant of the man in this situation, why? Is it because it is expected? I am so predictable and so childish. I want to lock myself in a bright pink castle of my illusions and stay there. I fear facing these people because I would then have to examine myself and question my life. And I absolutely refuse to do that, judging others is a much easier task.

Weekend notes

2008-10-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

My weekends are always overwhelming. I wonder if one of my single friends complaining of loneliness could handle a three day weekend like mine. I doubt it! Not because I am any sort of hero, I am sure I would have a hell of a time if I were "wife-swapped" into a family with 9 kids.

The weather was so beautiful. We have hot days and cool nights, the October weather is wonderful, but I miss my change in seasons. There is no color explosion in the Golden Gate park or anywhere in the city, the leaves just kind of go from green to brown and then fall off onto the city streets making them look unappealing and dirty. I cannot even get my melancholy waves as there is nothing that triggers my emotions, nothing at all that reminds me of Pushkin's "ochei ocharovanie..." I did find one tree and drowned my camera in the branches!

We went to the beach for the afternoon, but we are becoming less and less of an outdoorsy family... I don't see anybody having an incredibly good time. Somehow, we love our house so much that given an opportunity all of us would probably retract back into the safety of our "home shell."

My son is gaining his confidence back and it makes me so happy! He had a hard year last year in terms of his team sports, his health, his friendships, etc. This year is so much better! He loves his hockey team, he fits in, he scored two goals on Saturday, a goal and several assists on Sunday (and overall just picking up speed!) I am so happy. He is very athletic, but he is also a shy boy playing contact sports (a very hard thing to do!) Here is a pic from this weekend - playing tennis with Dad.

My girls had fun, but there was a healthy dose of bickering, tears, screaming, hugging, running around and getting bumps and bruises...

My husband was giving himself a creative haircut-shave combo with random patches of hair left all over his head! Looks very chic, no?

"Bronx Tale"... in San Francisco

2008-10-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

Last night Vadim and I and his sister and her husband decided to have a night out on the town. We were going to La Scene restaurant (a nice French place near Union Square) and later were seeing "Bronx Tale" at the Golden Gate theater. GG Theater is located in the heart of the Tenderloin... very colourful neighborhood, but can be somewhat dangerous at night. Well, little did we know that a little French place might be a magnet for "white-color" robbers! We were having a really nice dinner. Vadik's scallops were amazing, I enjoyed my caprese salad and butternut squash soup with a glass of Pepperwood Grove Viognier, Vika had an apple martini, Ahi Tuna Tartare and a soup, and Pavlik had Ahi Tuna steak. The desserts were amazing: passion fruit sorbet with pieces of passion fruit and an absolutely delicious Crème Brûlée with candied orange peel... SO GOOD... Well in the middle of enjoying this feast, a Middle Eastern looking man comes into the restaurant wearing a nice shirt and trousers and confidently walks towards our table located right in the middle of the restaurant. He then proceeds to pass us only to turn around a second later and say "Oops... wrong door." None of us except my husband paid enough attention to notice that in the process he grabbed Vika's purse and proceeded to leave the restaurant in a calm manner. Thank God for Vadik being so quick (all those video games I tell you!) He screamed "He took your purse!!" and ran after the guy, who casually dropped the purse and left the building. What a crazy and unexpected situation! Be aware of your surroundings regardless of where you are.

The play was great! I really felt the raw emotion of this young boy, it's amazing when a person talks about his own experience of growing up Italian in the Bronx. It also showed how multi layered people are... there are no black and white when it comes to people, we are a colorful bunch.

[as C walks out of Sonny's funeral] Sonny and my father always said that when I get older I would understand. Well, I finally did. I learned something from these two men. I learned to give love and get love unconditionally. You just have to accept people for what they are, and I learned the greatest gift of all. The saddest thing in life is wasted talent, and the choices that you make will shape your life forever. But you can ask anybody from my neighborhood, and they'll just tell you this is just another Bronx tale.

Enjoying a walk with my husband in sunny SF!

2008-10-07T14:19:00.001-07:00

It is so difficult to stay connected with my husband when we are constantly trying to keep three little flea bugs under supervision. We love each other very much and obviously share the same goal (not to lose sight of the flea bugs, keep them healthy, fed, educated and jumping for joy.) However, there are days when we miss each other.... I think both of us have been under a lot of pressure and hitting midlife crisis of sorts... wanting change... wanting peace.... sense of accomplishment... sense of stability... some adventure... Unfortunately, sometimes we forget how much we have and how incredibly grateful we should be for the good jobs, good family, good health. Greed (not monetary, but emotional) does motivate, but also robs you of pleasure that only living in the moment brings.

Today, I enjoyed my moment with the love of my life... we went for a walk around San Francisco... enjoyed catching a glance of San Francisco "busy bees" catching a 10-minute lunch in the financial district... some homeless people smiling up at the sun looking very content... a few tourists having a time of their life. It felt so nice to actually hold hands and be out there even if it was just for a few minutes.

One day in retrospect

2008-10-07T12:00:00.000-07:00

My two girls are such good friends... for the most part. Sonik dominates the relationship of course... she does dominate pretty much every relationship as we jump at her every whim. Look how generous she is with her cheerios! Sonik is so super active now, running around and getting into everything. Finally, we got the gate installed to protect our precious Sonik-Slonik from getting to the stairs. Daddy and Anton got it assembled over the weekend. What a team!

Look at my daughter's beautiful auburn chestnut locks! I like to bury my face in her hair and smell the freshness of rain, wind and baby yogurt (Sonik is a huge yogurt fan.) I always find stashes of cheerios hidden in the tight curls in the back...

What a mess!

2008-10-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

Masha has the stomach flu, but she seems to be feeling much better! Today, however, has been a strange day filled with mishaps. My wonderful 9-year old daughter who does know all too well the dangers of the old-fashioned mercury filled thermometers, managed to drop one and break it sending a thousand mercury balls rolling around the room. Hmmm... very dangerous... I sent everybody out of the room and started the big clean-up. This was the first time I had to clean-up hazardous materials... equipped with rubber gloves, I started trying to connect the little balls into one large one. I used Sonik's nose cleaning syringe to pick up the ball, the rest of them were picked up by two pieces of paper.... Now mercury, the broken thermometer, syringe, gloves, paper are all sealed in two zip-lock bags and sitting outside. I have to investigate where I am supposed to take this waste now. What a hassle! I do like the old-fashioned thermometers as I always get an accurate reading, unlike the battery operated ones that actually are only accurate when the battery is brand new. But now I will have to rethink the whole thing. This was quite a nightmare. Masha was terrified of the health consequences as well as my anger (poor baby)... to tell the truth I was annoyed.

Masha is under the weather

2008-10-05T21:18:00.000-07:00

Masha seems not to be feeling good. I might have to keep her out of school tomorrow. It will be a day with my girls... taking care of them... loving them... I am a little excited although I am not happy Masha is catching some strange bug! I need a glass of wine... Au revoir!

From: masha@hotmail.comTo: mama@hotmail.comSubject: Date: Mon, 6 Oct 2008 12:16:02 -0600

dear mom that makes me feel better

From: mama@hotmail.comTo: masha@hotmail.comSubject: Date: Sun, 5 Oct 2008 21:35:59 -0700

Masha, I just wanted to tell you that I love you so much and I hope that you feel better soon... My heart breaks whenenver I hear that you are not feeling good. All my love, Mama.

Mama and Sonik love lazy Saturdays outside!

2008-10-05T15:41:00.001-07:00

My baby Sonik is a champ when it comes to walking! I am amazed at how quickly this little baby is turning into a little lady. I love the baby stage, but I am happy to admit that this toddlerhood is even more enjoyable for me. She has developed quite a personality and now she proudly puts it on display whenever there is an audience. Sonik is a delight for my soul!

Anton and Masha are busy as usual. Anton with hockey (scored 1 goal) and soccer (scored 1 goal.) He moves with the speed of light and it is hard to capture him on film when he flies by. Masha is as usual the QUEEN of Social Butterflies. She is at the friends house, her friend is at our house, she is on the phone, on the computer... she is everywhere in hopes to stay connected to the world on 24/7 basis.

My Middle Child

2008-10-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

My Masha is the most beautiful girl in the world and the most spirited and strong-willed person I know. I am in awe of her strength. She does not give in easily and always has an opinion about every single thing. At the same time she is a sweet and caring girl, the best older sister any baby could wish for. Sonik is so lucky! Anton teases Masha, but I think he also admires her a great deal. In her fights with us, she pretty much always has the last word... while Anton is more sensitive and falls apart while trying to confront parental unfairness. Masha is the loveliest example of a woman-to-be. I think she is a gem as far as any suitors are concerned, but I hope she does more than wife/mother duties as she truly possesses the most incredible intelligence+endurance+likability combination. I love my daughter so much and I am so proud of her for being who she is.

thinking inside the box

2008-10-03T09:35:00.001-07:00

Create your own visitor map!

Sonik is a picky eater!

2008-10-02T15:41:00.000-07:00

My baby does not feed herself much. I think it comes from overzealous efforts demonstrated by grandma. I am convinced that Sonia gets fed 1/4 of her body mass on a daily basis.... If I wanted to, I could produce proof by weighing her potty! Oh My God! One would think that it could not possibly be a cute little one-year old girl producing these massive amounts of poop... more like a fully grown African elephant. Any time I offer her food to eat on her own, she throws it on the floor... she does eat a little bit of cereal and some cookies now and then, but we are a long ways away from eating independently.

Here is one attempt in feeding herself.

And then....

Living in the moment

2008-10-01T16:26:00.000-07:00

Sonik is trying to enjoy her bath... not for long, she is back up to a standing position in 2 seconds

My Hubby's idea of getting the baby ready for bed?

Diaper Check: Poopy or not?

My husband woke up in a puddle of milk this morning. You could have guessed, the baby yet again migrated into our bed in the middle of the night with all her gear consisting of her blanket, pacifier and a bottle of milk. I should hang one of those cup holders on the headboard of the bed to keep the bottle in.

My husband and I have been experiencing some severe mood swings... the good thing is that we are harmoniously swinging in opposite directions. Today is one of my low days. Hubby on the other hand is enjoying his day (maybe because it was started by a very satisfying display of fireworks between him and his mom.)

Another long day....

2008-09-28T20:58:00.001-07:00

Drove to Fresno today with Anton, Yulia and Misha... Long drive. We lost 6:5, but it was most definitely a good game. Anton played defence and he worked his little buttocks off. My son was "hooked" several times, and I felt really bad. The team plays rough. We had a nice visit with Vika's and Paul's friends in the evening. A long day... go to work tomorrow and relax!

Busy day

2008-09-27T14:15:00.000-07:00

As parents we have to be so extremely organized! Our day today includes the following: grocery shopping, pick up Anton's hockey friend, take both of the to the game in San Jose, bring both of them back, take Anton to soccer, take the friend back to his home, go to a birthday party for Tomar.... it just never ends. Tomorrow is not much better as I have to travel to Fresno with Anton to play hockey and Vadik has to install recess lights at a co-worker's house. When will this weekend end so that I can go to work and relax? Sonik is doing well, she is funny and sweet... My kids me make me so happy, but keep me so busy!

Her father's daughter!

2008-09-26T14:23:00.000-07:00

Indian Summer comes to Tenderloin

2008-09-26T11:24:00.000-07:00

What an artistically inspiring place Tenderloin is during September? Warm days are luring people out of the century-old and run-down "hotel" rat holes. I wish I could walk around with an invisible camera to capture some of the characters out there... although urine vapor coming up from the sizzling pavement does so burn my eyes. My observations from yesterday. There is no racism in Tenderloin, it is an island in the center of San Francisco separated by barbed wire fence... everybody inside this ghetto are low class outcasts... Three men: white, Hispanic and black were sitting on the stairs and enjoying their alcohol... so drunk that the three of them started impersonating a band (guitar, drums, and a solo). An old man (that got himself out of bed only to get his alcohol fix) was crossing the street wearing no pants, raincoat and two different shoes (both right!)... It took him two red and one green light to actually make it across. A young guy with long thick dreadlocks around his large round bald spot on the top of his head... a heavyset woman in a house robe, a cast on one foot and a sock/flip-flop combo on the other. Lots of middle aged men and women with missing teeth wearing teenage fashion from the 80s. Not Castro, but the thrift stores of Tenderloin must be the best place for Halloween fashion.

Sonik's bath time and random ramblings

2008-09-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

Bath time is not the correct term, Sonik only takes showers. Why? I have no idea, but my baby girl will not sit in a bathtub, will not play with bath toys, will not splash around in a tub filled with water. She stands holding her toys and will throw the biggest fit imaginable if you try to sit her down... you really can't even if you tried, she becomes stiff as a board and you can only lay her down. Washing Sonik's beautiful curls is the biggest challenge known to mom, she stretches her little neck as far as it will go outside of the tub boundaries and holds her head above the floor (not anywhere near the tub.) What am I supposed to do with a smart baby like that?!

My son is a little weirdo... We were talking about doing accents. Masha is great at it, her British accent is perfect -- she sounds just like Keira Knightley. My son on the other hand is not that great, but he is great at doing a NY Jewish accent... he rolls his R's and sounds so funny! He kept saying Gr-gr-gr-grubinshtein... (considering that for the most part our family is Jewish, it wasn't in any way politically incorrect, was it?)

My friend is visiting from Los Angeles. She actually just moved to LA with her family so that her son could pursue hockey and play for a better team with a good old-fashioned Russian coach. We had a discussion last night about dream pursuits... my son plays hockey as well, and soccer, and tennis, and piano... however, I pretty much did tell him that when he grew up he was probably not going to be an athlete, so it was best for him to concentrate on his education and his studies. Inessa called me a "dream crasher", and I suppose I am in a way. I see my job as a parent to raise children that are well adjusted to life challenges. As a mother, I reserve the right to wholeheartedly support some dreams and let others fade into oblivion. When I was a child, my biggest dream was to become a conductor (no, not that kind!... the kind that collects and checks bus fares, writes fines, etc.) I am eternally grateful to my parents for not nourishing this dream of mine. Maybe I am wrong and I shouldn't project my cynicism onto my innocent and naive kids, but I missed that in "mother" training (wait a minute, it appears that I skipped this training entirely.... now that explains everything!)

Removing one shoe and one sock

2008-09-24T11:55:00.000-07:00

Sonik is an unusual and unique baby (she sleeps sitting straight up, she crinkles her tiny button nose, shows eight pearl white front teeth and blows air hard to scare you, and does over a dozen other very unusual things...) but what is up with constantly removing one shoe and one sock? Is this an unusual behavior or what? I cannot explain it, but we are constantly searching for her left shoe and her (left) sock. I have examined the foot practically under the microscope to see what could possibly prompt this, was something rubbing or irritating her tiny porcelain foot? Correction: Sonik has peasant feet - olive colored, wide and her soles are no longer baby soft. This is a mystery that I will need to solve soon... I cannot continue to walk around with the baby that has only one shoe.

Rant about self-help books

2008-09-23T10:29:00.000-07:00

Why are there so many people reading self-help books? First of all, this is no self-help if one is blindly following the 10, 12, 15 step program to recovery (from obesity, anorexia, divorce, smoking, infidelity.....) or taking another 10, 12, 15 steps towards better sex, finding a soulmate, better job, taking control of your life, etc.... What is going on? There are people in this country that have read nothing by Jack London and haven't even heard of Theodore Dreyser, and yet can quote Dr. Phil and Dr. Laura. That is an "American Tragedy."

Adoration

2008-09-22T15:47:00.000-07:00

It is amazing to observe adoration given to your baby by some women. Yesterday I had a friend visiting (Y.) and she couldn't get enough of Sonia. Touching Sonik's feet, her hands, her little body... you could see the longing in her face... longing to have a child... longing to be a mother to a little being. There is never this kind of reaction toward my 10 and 9 year old kids, but the baby is worshiped despite her hemangiomas, despite her unruly hair... or maybe because of that? Her chubbiness, her little fat folding and rolling off of chubby short legs like melting ice-cream on a cone... all of it is adorable, lovable, kissable! I am so excited to know that I am a subject of envy because of this little wonder wobbly walking across the room, like she owns it!

One Million Kisses

2008-09-20T19:20:00.000-07:00

Today Masha concluded that Sonik probably received over a million kisses during her life... Well, mathematically, probaby not yet, but she is getting there... kisses from Mommy, Daddy, Masha, Yulia, Natasha (and occasionally Anton and Fima), that is a lot of kisses! She is so loved, everybody's face just lights up when she smiles. Such a sweet girl!

The day was relaxing, but it is 7 pm and I am starting to crave quiet. I love quiet, because I rarely get to enjoy it. In moments like this I wonder what my single friends do; do they enjoy quiet time or is it a burden? Tomorrow is Sunday, lots of stuff to do: shopping, cleaning, playing, cooking.

Eating raw cookie dough (one cookie at a time)

2008-09-19T20:24:00.000-07:00

How fun is it staying home with your baby girl and vegging out with her? On a scale of 1 to 10, it is a 12!! It beats going to the office on the best of days, but today especially. I needed to be close to her, hug her, smell her... touch her beautiful curly hair. Sonik gives me more energy than a gallon of Red Bull. I am actually looking forward to the time in the middle of the night when she will wake us up. It is funny how she prepares to be transferred to our bed... Her blanket, her pacifier and her milk are all tightly squeezed in her little hands... Sonik is standing in her crib looking at me, her dark brown eyes are completely absorbed by the darkness, but I can make out the shiny glaring teary demanding daggers. Sonik has no patience and it is all my fault. I have spoiled her rotten and I love it!

Anton and Masha are watching "Monk." They enjoy it so much, and I do too. Monk has destroyed my solid plan and New Year's resolution to watch less TV. Oh well!

I love slow thinking inside my comfort box... try it!